TOP TWO WITH ZERO TESTICLES. CRAB MONKEYS FROM SPACE HAS ANOTHER OUTBREAK OF UNRELENTING LOSING BLISTERS.

The League average dropped to just a skosh over 19 pts but there was plenty of movement in the rankings. THE FIRST LADY and THE OVEN continue their dominance and sit #1 and #2 respectively. MAMACITA scores another solid 31 to move her up to #6. Add a streaky CORKY MCBUTTS at #17, and the females have control of the League through the first 4 weeks.

WILSON made the most out of his Power Week and reeled in a week high 40 points and moves up 16 spots. BENCHMARK got off as well and finds himself in the TOP 10 after converting on a 3 stack and pulling in 38. EASY MONEY wakes up after being called out and hits up 31 along with the sleeping bear HAMMES. God help us all if he wakes up.

The much-maligned EAST saw some rare action in the standings as PRIMETIME takes the conference lead from SEMINOLE26 who only mustered 10. Overall, the EAST is just plain awful as only two members break the top 24. The SOUTH represents with 5 members in the TOP 10 and looks like the class of the CFGL while the NORTH and WEST have a couple of contenders each.

CRAB MONKEYS FROM SPACE gets a donut for the second week in a row and falls to dead last in the NORTH. HACKERMAN falls from #13 to #27 with his goose egg while BROWN EYE is still the shit hole of the 38-member League. HOLLYWOOD plunges again and trails his better half by an astounding 73.5 points. Let’s hope for THE OVEN’s sake that he’s firing blanks in the sack too.

Get ready for a BIG EAST Week coming up in WEEK 5. Any questions just holler.

Love,
The Commissioner