BARNDAWG GETS ALPHA ON THE LEAGUE. HAMMES HAMMERS HAM INTO WEEK3 HYMEN

It was a monster week for points and if you didn’t score more than 28 points, you were on the ass end of The League. Speaking of ass-end, Head and Mr. Kasey Johnson continue to take up space in the League basement. Despite Head’s 31, he only gained position over Mr Kasey Johnson, which doesn’t seem like that sweet of a place to be. Brothers, #45 Mile High and #47 Hollywood, continue to own the mid-forties. Their dad, Frank the Tank, one-ups his boys, literally, as he clocks in at #44, after dropping fifteen spots from last week. La Maquina works against himself and drops from #6 to #16 but still leads the Testeverde Ten, which is now the only conference without a team in the top 10.

Hammes put together a perfect week 68 and jumps twenty-five spots to #6. The League will never forget his 3 perfect-weeks during the dangerous 2008 campaign in which he won a CFGL championship. In other Shapiro All-Stars news, Schematic Advantage holds court at #8 while Mentally Denarded drops from #5 down to #10 after a mediocre scoring.

In the Wuerffel, Barndawg hunts down the SDSU/Wash St over with a power 5-stack and hangs a 60 pointer on that ass. The rookie is the new League leader and averages over 44 points a week. He holds off the Hack Attack by 19 who drops from #2 to #4.

The swelling has reduced for the Well Hungarians but they’re still 12.5 bigger than the rest of Urban’s Heart Division. Nxt-LvL moves up thirteen floors from #16 to #3 with the trendy Power 5-stack on LSU. The Tigers win the League 132 points overall. Juice explodes for 37.5 but drops one in the conference and two in the league to #5. Friday night, O-H-I-O! saw The Commissioner out and comped him drinks and dessert for the good of the League. Saturday night, the League comped back with a 20 point dog game, which turned out to be +16 spots in the standings as he's #14 now.

Meanwhile, on Planet Weis, #7 Team Wigley goes 5 of 6 and maintains control of the lackluster conference. On the brightside of the Planet, we did get to witness the end of a very long cycle. Not only does Deeds hit a 3-team parlay and move from #35 to #9, he also breaks into the CFGL Top 10 for the first time since December of 2008. For those scoring at home, that’s 30 straight weeks of abysmal foresight and intuition. I can’t imagine the absolute humiliation, dejection and severe self-doubt that’s involved with a streak like that. These past couple years must have just been awful. So, on behalf of the entire League, “Huge accomplishment and a real great week, guy!”
Betting against the Lobos won 111 more. There were 70 points won on Oklahoma and a bunch of suckers lost a combined 70 points on Michigan St, as Notre Dame dominated them in every aspect of the game.

This next week is a Big Ten week. If the Big Ten is your Power conference, you have two 10-point games. Let us know if you have any questions.

The Commissioner