WEEK5 PICKS

THE LOCKSMITH - LOCK OF THE YEAR

The Locksmith is putting a Power 5 stack on Stanford -7 @ Washington tonight.

Conference USA Selection Sheet

WEEK5 SPREADS (CUSA)

 

Thursday 9/27

Stanford -7

@Washington 49.5

Friday 9/28

Hawaii 50.5

@BYU -27.5

Saturday 9/29

Cincinnati 45

@VTech -7

Buffalo 42.5

@UConn -17.5

Penn St. 41.5

@Illinois -1.5

Minnesota 46

@Iowa -2

Texas Tech -2.5

@Iowa St. 58

Clemson -9.5

@BC 59.5

LA Tech -2.5

@Virginia 61.5

Ohio -24

@UMass 54.5

Ball St -1

@Kent St. 53.5

Idaho 60

@N Carolina -24

Indiana 59

@Northwestern -11.5

Marshall 64.5

@Purdue -16.5

Duke 59.5

@Wake Forest -3

S Carolina -21

@Kentucky 47.5

Colorado St. 56

@Air Force -15

TCU -16.5

@SMU 54.5

C Mich 58.5

@N Illinois -10.5

UCLA -20.5

@Colorado 60

San Jose St. -2.5

@Navy 58.5

Oregon -28.5

@Washington St. 70.5

Texas -3

@Oklahoma St. 66.5

Arkansas 63

@Texas A&M -13.5

Baylor 79.5

@W Virginia -13

Ohio St. 43.5

@Michigan St. -3

Tennessee 61.5

@Georgia -13

Arizona St. 54.5

@Cal -2.5

Oregon St. 56.5

@Arizona -2.5

Mississippi 54.5

@Alabama -31

Miami (OH) -5

@Akron 58.5

Missouri 48.5

@UCF -2.5

UTEP 51

@E Carolina -4.5

NC St. 55

@Miami (FL) -2.5

Florida St. -17

@S Florida 53.5

Toledo 57.5

@W Michigan -2.5

Nevada -20

@Texas St. 64.5

Louisville -10.5

@S Miss 49.5

Wisconsin 54

@Nebraska -13

Tulsa -13.5

@UAB 59.5

UNLV 52.5

@Utah St. -17.5

Houston -5

@Rice 74

Boise St -27

@New Mexico 51.5

SDSU 60

@Fresno St. -7.5

W Kentucky -2.5

@Arkansas St. 55.5

Troy -9.5

@S Alabama 50.5

FL Int’l 55

@LA Lafayette -6

N Texas -6.5

@FL Atlantic 46.5

MTSU 62.5

@Georgia Tech -27.5

LA Monroe -18

@Tulane 56

THE BELIEVER LEAVES IT TO BEAVERS - SCORES SEASON HIGH 88.5

Whether it was from true faith or the pressure he was getting from the League, Beaver Believer believed in his Beavers and it paid off big time. The 4-stack moneyline brings the Oregon St. grad 78.5 points and propels him 43 spots from #50 to #7.  And that wasn’t the only big score this week as the average jumped to over 24 points and an incredible 11 members had over 40 points for the week.  You get the feeling that the nerves have settled and it's officially on.

In Pete Carroll's Credit Union, Carolina Fire Ants and Snowflake picked the wrong week to shit the bed as Beaver Believer goes from second to last to leading the conference. But the Beaver wasn’t the only shocker in the conference as Get Drew Bledsoe in the HOF goes from #38 to #23 with his 42 point week. Once again, #46 Hammes struggles to find relevancy in a League that he absolutely dominated a couple years back. Thank God.

The streaky Hack Attack relies on a 16.5 point dog game to propel him to the Jerry’s Kids bonus and #10 spot. Just behind the Hack, #19 BullRob, #20 Stumblin’ Drunks and #25 Jamie O’Hare fight for respectability in a conference that lacks respectability. Head Honcho finds himself ass up again after losing his 3-team parlay on Thursday night. He loses the rest of his games on Saturday night and falls from #41 to #58 with his deplorable zero point week.

Petrinos Hog Riders has been a three man race to this point as Hollywood Hussion, Coach and Boss Bizzem have all had phenomenal starts. Week4 was no different as Hollywood wraps up the conference bonus after going 5 for 6 with a 14 pt dog game. Coach keeps pace and scores 34 to lift him to #13 from #17 as the Boss holds his position at #21. Vets Holy Trinity, La Maquina and Romosexual continue to be unspectacular and blend in with the riff-raff in the mid to late #40’s.

The Beast Infection continues his strong performance and his 35 points keep him at the #1 spot in the League. But it was RipperRipski who snagged the conference bonus with the League’s second Perfecto of the year. The 5 for 5 week sends Ripski from #32 to #6 who sits only 23 back from the Beast. SCAGA takes an unconventional route and wins all 38 points via the Lobos, moving the veteran from #25 to #16. In an act of desperation, #Coney2012 lets a woman at a jewelry store select his picks and the 0 for 6 puts him at #70. Hopefully the strategy paid off for him in other ways. Please confirm.

The Shapiro’s All Stars is a helluva conference. Once again, Barndawg sniffs out the conference bonus as veteran Dees Pimpin ‘Em makes a rookie mistake and forgets to pick a Big12 game. The Dawg sits at #3 and holds a strong lead over #9Deeds and #15 #want, who missed Perfectos by only one game. P-Horse still doesn't have a strong grasp on how to play but he continues his strong performance and is still in the hunt at #11.

#4 Schematic Advantage maintained it’s lead in the Wuerffel but it was KC Mizzou Mafia that took down the bonus with a 5 for 6 performance.The Mafia jumps 36 spots from #58 to #22 as UrbanCrierUrbanLiar drops from #4 to #8 after a solid 31. SOFFOCONE gets back in the game and jumps from up 16 spots to #54 after riding the Locksmith’s Friday Night Special for a 5-stack winner.

Speaking of The Locksmith, his Friday Night Special 4-stack set up a 52 point week that grabs him the weekly conference bonus. #14 RollTideYall jumps from #28 to #14 in a brilliant display as Wilson jumps up two spots to #18.  Rookie Meatball finally makes a move with a 43 and finds himself at #29 and only six spots from the money. 

Week5 is a C-USA week so start researching who the hell is in C-USA. Spreads to be sent out tomorrow. Holler with questions.

Commish

WEEK4 PICKS

The Locksmith - Friday Night Special

Baylor/UL Monroe over 68.5? What's wrong with this spread?!

A Baylor team that's averaging 55 pts this year against a UL Monroe team that's scored at least 4 touchdowns against both SEC teams they've faced? And not a cloud in the sky? Really?!

Lock it up.

I'm gonna 4-stack it. That's right, 28 points for The Locksmith on the over. 

Who's coming with me?

BEAST INFECTION BECOMES MAJOR ISSUE AS LEAGUE IS OFF TO WORST START EVER

For the third straight week, the average score was in the 19’s as 19 members had 10 points or less. It’s the worst start the League has seen in nine seasons of existence. To put the awful play in perspective, last year 11 members were over 100 pts after Week3. This year, only 3 are.  But even though 58% lost BigTen games, 65% lost Power Games and 80% lost dog games, there were some big scores at the top of the board as Barndawg, Beast Infection and Schematic Advantage get in the 60’s. 

PETE CARROL’S CREDIT UNION

It’s fire vs. ice as Snowflake grabs the conference bonus and the Union lead from Carolina Fire Ants. They sit #5 and #6 respectively. #16 Michigan Hates U sits about 20 points back and despite doing an incredible job raising me, Mamacita fails most of her picks with a shabby 15.5. In other news unrelated to success, GDBIHOF 4stacked Sparty and falls from #16 to #37 as jackcarey changes name to Goldline.com.  No more name changes. 

JERRY’S KIDS

What a nightmare for Jerry’s Kids this week and the average was just over 14. Bull Rob 3-stacks Oklahoma St and goes from #21 to #12 and he takes the conference bonus. Stumblin’ Drunks still maintains control of the Kids as his 2.5 dog game lifts him  15.5 on the week. Hack Attack scores 7 for the second straight week and drops from #5 to #19. Big 2 scores a big 5 and is now ranked an even bigger #54 as Double Bird Strike gets a monster 7 to help him breach that tricky 30-point barrier. He’s at #63. 

PETRINO HOG RIDERS

Hollywood Hussion went stacking again, but this time it all fell down. But even after he botched his USC 4stack, the dicknosed former champ is still the H.H.R.I.C. (Head Hog Rider In Charge) and #12 overall. Elsewhere in the conference, it was a defensive battle for the bonus this week but Coach wills his way to win it with a gutty 22 pointer highlighted by 12 points from the Irish. He climbs from #25 to #17.  Veterans La Maquina, Holy Trinity and Romosexual miss out on a huge opportunity for a bonus and instead stay chained to the basement at #46, #49 and #56, respectively. 

PLANET WEIS

Beast Infection has a 49.5 lead and dominates a Planet that has extremely low levels of points. While Flute With No Holes and Texas League Trainer of the Year, SCAGA, fight it out for second in the conference, the drop-off after that is steep. Despite their huge hearts, #58 John Force, #53 O-H-I-O,  #63Coney2012 and #67 Wrecking Crew make this conference the worst in the League.  And that's just tough to watch, considering the aforementioned huge hearts. 

SHAPIRO’S ALL STARS

Barndawg sounds off again with a 50-point power game and easily hunts down the conference bonus. The defending champ goes against the Lobos and takes the conference lead from #7 P-Horse, who scores a respectable 21 while rafting in the Grand Canyon. But #8 Deeds and #11 TP3 also wanna party and are a big week away from getting a piece of that nice, warm conference pie. 

THE WUERFFEL

Schematic Advantage shows their strategic savvy with a Moneyline 4stack on the Irish. The 58 point week is good enough for the bonus and boosts the Advantage to #2 overall. UrbanCrierUrbanLiar bets on Urban Meyer. The loss highlights a 15 point week that sends last week’s leader to #4. The Principessa wiggles back in to contention with her 31 point week and now sits at #35 overall. Desperation backfires on Raider Power who loses two Power stacks.  SOFFOCONE is in even worse shape as he loses a 2 team parlay and earns the humiliating and emotionally taxing #70 spot.

URBAN’S HEART DIVISION

Last week’s leader Sic’ Em Dawgs goes 2 of 5 and opens the door for The Locksmith, who takes advantage with a conference high 41. And as annoying as speaking in the third person is, it doesn’t change the fact that The Locksmith is now in the conference lead. The Locksmith also jumps to #10 spot in the polls. Just behind the Locksmith is 9-Time member and devout Minnesotan, Wilson, who also had a nice week. His 24 gets him in the top20.

Week Four Selection Sheet

WEEK 4 SPREADS (BIG12 WEEK)

It's a Big12 Week. This is the Big12:

WEDNESDAY 9/19

KENT ST 53

@BUFFALO -3.5

THURSDAY 9/20

BYU 48

@BOISE ST -7.5

FRIDAY 9/21

BAYLOR -7.5

LA-MONROE 68.5

SATURDAY 9/22

ARMY 53.5

@WAKE FOREST -7.5

CLEMSON 58

@FLORIDA ST -14

S FLORIDA -10.5

@BALL ST 62

MEMPHIS 61

@DUKE -22

E MICH 46.5

@MICH ST -33

BOWLING GREEN 48

@V TECH -19.5

C MICH 50

@IOWA -16.5

UAB 57.5

@OHIO ST -37.5

E CAROLINA 60

@N CAROLINA -16.5

TEMPLE 43

@PENN ST -9

MARYLAND 61.5

@W VIRGINIA -27.5

UTEP 48

@WISCONSIN -17.5

UMASS 51

@MIAMI (OH) -26

VANDERBILT 55

@GEORGIA -16

UTAH ST -13.5

@COLORADO ST 53

RUTGERS 50

@ARKANSAS -7

FRESNO ST 69.5

@TULSA -5.5

MARSHALL -2.5

@RICE 70

KANSAS 52.5

@N ILLINOIS -9.5

ARIZONA 77

@OREGON -24

OREGON ST 54.5

@UCLA -9.5

VIRGINIA 54.5

@TCU -17.5

CAL 57

@USC -16

COLORADO 58.5

@WASHINGTON ST. -19

LSU -20.5

@AUBURN 48.5

MIAMI (FL) 62

@G TECH -14

KENTUCKY 51.5

@FLORIDA -24

UCONN -1.5

@W MICH 44

MISSOURI 48.5

@S CAROLINA -10

MICHIGAN 51.5

@NOTRE DAME -5.5

SYRACUSE 59

@MINNESOTA -1.5

KANSAS ST 58.5

@OKLAHOMA -14

NEW MEXICO 57

@NEW MEXICO ST. -7

UTAH 50

@ARIZONA ST. -7

SAN JOSE ST. 56.5

@SAN DIEGO ST. -3.5

AIR FORCE -10.5

@UNLV 57.5

NEVADA -8.5

@HAWAII 62

FLORIDA ATL 57

@ALABAMA -50

S MISS 49

@W KENTUCKY -4.5

TROY 61

@N TEXAS -1

LOUISVILLE -13.5

@FLORIDA INTL 57.5

S ALABAMA 48

@MISS ST. -34

WYOMING -1

@IDAHO

AKRON

@TENNESSEE -35

OLE MISS -15

@TULANE

LA TECH

@ILLINOIS -3

BEAST INFECTION BECOMES MAJOR ISSUE AS LEAGUE IS OFF TO WORST START EVER

For the third straight week, the average score was in the 19’s as 19 members had 10 points or less. It’s the worst start the League has seen in nine seasons of existence. To put the awful play in perspective, last year 11 members were over 100 pts after Week3. This year, only 3 are.  But even though 58% lost BigTen games, 65% lost Power Games and 80% lost dog games, there were some big scores at the top of the board as Barndawg, Beast Infection and Schematic Advantage get in the 60’s. 

PETE CARROL’S CREDIT UNION

It’s fire vs. ice as Snowflake grabs the conference bonus and the Union lead from Carolina Fire Ants. They sit #5 and #6 respectively. #16 Michigan Hates U sits about 20 points back and despite doing an incredible job raising me, Mamacita falls to #15 with her shabby 15.5. In other news unrelated to success, GDBIHOF 4stacked Sparty and falls from #16 to #37 as jackcarey changes name to Goldline.com.  No more name changes.

JERRY’S KIDS

What a nightmare for Jerry’s Kids this week and the average was just over 14. Bull Rob 3-stacks Oklahoma St and goes from #21 to #12 and he takes the conference bonus. Stumblin’ Drunks still maintains control of the Kids as his 2.5 dog game lifts him  15.5 on the week. Hack Attack scores 7 for the second straight week and drops from #5 to #19. Big 2 scores a big 5 and is now ranked an even bigger #54 as Double Bird Strike gets a monster 7 to help him breach that tricky 30-point barrier. He’s at #63. 

PETRINO HOG RIDERS

Hollywood Hussion went stacking again, but this time it all fell down. But even after he botched his USC 4stack, the dicknosed former champ is still the H.H.R.I.C. (Head Hog Rider In Charge) and #12 overall. Elsewhere in the conference, it was a defensive battle for the bonus this week but Coach wills his way to win it with a gutty 22 pointer highlighted by 12 points from the Irish. He climbs from #25 to #17.  Veterans La Maquina, Holy Trinity and Romosexual miss out on a huge opportunity for a bonus and instead stay chained to the basement at #46, #49 and #56, respectively. 

PLANET WEIS

Beast Infection has a 49.5 lead and dominates a Planet that has extremely low levels of points. While Flute With No Holes and Texas League Trainer of the Year, SCAGA, fight it out for second in the conference, the drop-off after that is steep. Despite their huge hearts, #58 John Force, #53 O-H-I-O,  #63Coney2012 and #67 Wrecking Crew make this conference the worst in the League.  And that's just tough to watch, considering the aforementioned huge hearts.

 

SHAPIRO’S ALL STARS

Barndawg sounds off again with a 50-point power game and easily hunts down the conference bonus. The defending champ goes against the Lobos and takes the conference lead from #7 P-Horse, who scores a respectable 21 while rafting in the Grand Canyon. But #8 Deeds and #11 TP3 also wanna party and are a big week away from getting a piece of that nice, warm conference pie. 

THE WUERFFEL

Schematic Advantage shows their strategic savvy with a Moneyline 4stack on the Irish. The 58 point week is good enough for the bonus and boosts the Advantage to #2 overall. UrbanCrierUrbanLiar bets on Urban Meyer. The loss highlights a 15 point week that sends last week’s leader to #4. The Principessa wiggles back in to contention with her 31 point week and now sits at #35 overall. Desperation backfires on Raider Power who loses two Power stacks.  SOFFOCONE is in even worse shape as he loses a 2 team parlay and earns the humiliating and emotionally taxing #70 spot. 

URBAN’S HEART DIVISION

Last week’s leader Sic’ Em Dawgs goes 2 of 5 and opens the door for The Locksmith, who takes advantage with a conference high 41. And as annoying as speaking in the third person is, it doesn’t change the fact that The Locksmith is now in the conference lead. The Locksmith also jumps to #10 spot in the polls. Just behind the Locksmith is 9-Time member and devout Minnesotan, Wilson, who also had a nice week. His 24 gets him in the top20. 

Week4's lines to be sent out tomorrow. Holler with questions. 

Commish

 

WEEK3 PICKS

Week Three Selection Sheet

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/embeddedform?formkey=dE1wVGNVWnhmbkxrcERoRFliNGtPUkE6MQ

Week3 Spreads (BIG10 WEEK)

Pick at least one game from the Big10. 

If the Big10 is your Power Conference, you have two 10-pt Power games.

Thursday 9/13

Rutgers 46

@USF -8.5

Friday 9/14

Washington St -11

@UNLV 55.5

Saturday 9/15

Navy 46

@Penn St -5.5

UMass 56

@Michigan -45.5

BC 53

@Northwestern -3.5

Eastern Mich 50.5

@Purdue -23.5

N Illinois -3

@Army 49.5

Wake Forest 54

@Florida St. -25.5

UConn -3

Maryland 42.5

Texas A&M -13

@SMU 56.5

VTech -10

@Pittsburgh 43

USC -8.5

@Stanford 56

East Carolina 57.5

@S Miss -9

Cal 52.5

@Ohio St -17

Texas -10.5

@Ole Miss 47.5

Arizona St. 63.5

@Missouri -7

BYU -3.5

@Utah 46.5

N Carolina 51

@Louisville -3.5

Virginia 53

@GTech -10.5

Alabama -19

@Arkansas 53.5

Miami (OH) 53.5

@Boise St. -20.5

TCU -21

@Kansas 59.5

Rice 65.5

@LA Tech -20.5

W Michigan 57

@Minnesota -2.5

Bowling Green 57.5

@Toledo -3.5

UAB 54.5

@S Carolina -33.5

Ohio -6.5

@Mashall 66.5

New Mexico 61.5

@Texas Tech -33

Florida 47

@Tennessee -2.5

Colorado St. 49

@San Jose St. -10.5

Utah St. 51

@Wisconsin -14

Idaho 54.5

@LSU -42.5

Notre Dame 43.5

@Mich St. -5

Ball St 62.5

@Indiana -2.5

Colorado  55

@Fresno St. -14

New Mexico St. 55

@UTEP -12.5

Houston 73.5

@UCLA -17.5

Florida Atlantic 53

@Georgia -43

Arkansas St 67.5

@Nebraska -24

Florida Int’l 50

@UCF -17

LA Lafayette 73

Oklahoma St -22

N Texas 55

@Kansas St. -28.5

MTSU -3.5

@Memphis 56

W Kentucky 48.5

@Kentucky -7

Mississippi St -16.5

Troy 57

LA Monroe 52.5

@Auburn -16

HOLLYWOOD HUSSION IS RELEVANT AGAIN AS SIMON'S WRECKING CREW WRECKS SHIT. HIS OWN SHIT.

Live by the beaver, die by the beaver. It’s a theme all too familiar for 9-time vet and CFGL2 Champion, Hollywood Hussion. And on Saturday, Hollywood reconnected with the Beaver glory that has escaped him the past few years. Oregon St. scored 25 of Hollywood’s 56 points and he takes the Hog-Riders bonus, the Hog-Riders lead, and rides his hog right into the #2 spot in the standings. League legend Romosexual, was equally impressive as he managed to lose all 6 of his games and drops to #64.

The Wuerffel was just as awful as Danny’s NFL days as 6 teams in the former Heisman’s conference scored 10 points or under. One of those teams was NxT_LvL who claims the #70 spot after losing every game in his 3-team parlay. But, as bad as the Wuerffel is, it’s still home to the League leader, UrbanCrierUrbanLiar, who was a Temple game away from the season’s first 5-5 Perfecto bonus.

In Pete’s Credit Union, it was champion on champion action as Mamacita narrowly beats out out The Snowflake for the weekly conference bonus. The Union is the top conference so far as five of its teams find themselves in the Top16. Despite an awful Week2 performance, Carolina Fire Ants continues to lead the conference and sits at #4 overall. Beaver Believer shows a lack of faith and only gets 8 points from his beloved Oregon St. He falls six spots to #48. Make no mistake about it, this was the week to believe, guy.

For the most part, Planet Weis experienced cold temperatures in Week2. #Coney2012 was a glutton for punishment as his Power 5-stack on Wisconsin was anything but Kosher.  Last week’s conference leader Juice1 juiced all 6 of his picks sending him from #15 to #41. Two conference 3stacks also went down as Simon’s Wrecking Crew jumped on an overrated Oklahoma St. and Mormon Whores died by the Mormon and Utah. The only real growth in the conference was in the form of a full-blown Beast Infection, who spreads to the top of the Planet.

Stumblin’ Drunks threatens Jerry’s Kids as the degenerate wins three games in a Power Week. The 30 points were just enough to edge Head Honcho who hit a nice two-team parlay for an extra 7 pts. The Drunk takes over the conference from Hack Attack was more Hack than Attack with his 1 for 6 week. .

P-Horse continues to be the pride of the Shapiro All-Stars as the rookie jumps to #4 after splitting the bonus. Barndawg gets a key dog game to keep him contention at #21 but it’s Deeds and TP3 in striking distance as they’re tied at #10.

Sic ‘Em Dawgs scored 56 thanks to the Dawgs and leads Urban’s Heart Division by 18.  If he continues to ride Georgia, vets like  #19 Wilson, #22 First Lady and #42 Lanny Flaherty could move up in the standings.  Elsewhere in the Division, the Locksmith’s Thursday Night Lock scored 133 for the League as he moves to #34 overall. My pleasure, gang.

This next week is a Big10 week. Spreads to be sent out tomorrow.

Hit us up with questions. 

The Commissioner